Do What You Have To Do
by PadmeKenobi
Summary: Sad Anidala,A&P, songfic with the song Do What You Have To Do sung by Sarah McLachlan. R&R please!


_Dedication: To my beloved friend, Anakin. You have been so wonderful to me. Thanks for always being there when I needed ya._

**Do What You Have To Do**

_What ravages of spirits_

_Conjured this temptuous rage_

_Created you a monster_

_Broken by the rules of love_

_And fate has led you through it_

_You do what you have to do_

_And fate has led you through it_

_You do what you have to do..._

Padmé laid her head against the window and listened to the rain splatter against it. She wished she could feel the coldness of the water drops upon her skin, she was so hot. So hot and tired. Tired of everything. Heat and sadness and tiredness consumed her body and she couldn't make it go away. Tears matched the rain drops and rolled down her cheeks. Her cheeks streaked with old tears, so many tears..so many they could have drowned her. She stared out the window at the gray world around her. There was nothing here for her anymore. No point in staying here. She only had one place to be, and that was with her children. Anakin's children.

_And I have the sense to recognize that_

_I don't know how to let you go_

_Every moment marked_

_With apparitions of your soul_

_I'm ever swiftly moving_

_Trying to escape this desire_

_The yearning to be near you_

_I do what I have to do_

_The yearning to be near you_

_I do what I have to do..._

Anakin's children, his beloved babies. How he would have loved to see them. To be there to see their little faces light up in a smile. To see how their son looked so much like him. Their daughter looked at the world with wide brown eyes, filled with wanting. Longing. For someone, for someone who would never see her. Ever. Padmé's suddenly couldn't breathe. Everything was closing in on her. She closed her eyes and forced herself to not think of the pain. The ever remaining pain of her heart being squeezed by something invisible. It felt like that every time she thought of her husband. Her Ani.

She kept trying to make herself KNOW that he was gone, forever. But deep down, she knew he was still alive. But he wasn't her Ani. He never would be. Her Ani was gone, always, forever. The only thing she had that he had given her was her japor snippet she wore around her neck. And, their children. Padmé's eyes moved to the nursery where the twins slept peacefully. How she wished she could be able to be there to watch them grown up, side by side. But she knew it would not be. She forced herself to stand up and walk into the nursery. She bent over Luke's crib. She smiled sadly and caressed his cheek. A tear slipped from her eye and fell upon his cheek. Luke's face screwed up in a little scowl as a tiny whimper escaped his mouth. He never cried. He was a strong little boy, even as a baby. Padmé picked him up and cuddled him. He slept on. She rocked back and forth and kissed his cheek while humming a Nubian lullaby.

_But I have the sense to recognize_

_That I don't know how _

_To let you go_

_I don't know how_

_To let you go_

_A glowing ember_

_Burning hot_

_Burning slow_

Padmé laid Luke back into his crib, just as a tiny wail came from the other one opposite his. She picked Leia up. Leia was different from Luke. Her eyes were open, and filled with wonder of the world around her. She stared at her mother as she hummed the same tune to her daughter and rocked back and forth. A little smile appeared on Leia's face and she squealed softly. A pain shot through Padmé's heart as she watched her daughter. Their daughter. Padmé closed her eyes tightly and sucked in a deep breath. _Oh, Ani, why did you have to go. Why..._Padmé kissed Leia's head and laid her back in the crib. Pdmé walked back to the window and stared out, not seeing what was out there, but instead seeing Anakin. His image appeared in her mind, a mischievous smile upon his lip. His blue eyes alight with that familiar twinkle in them. A twinkle of love, pride, and joy. His hair, windblown. She remembered how soft it was when she felt it between her fingers. His scent. Oh gods, she could still smell it. It was everywhere. It was like, even though he was gone, he was tormenting her. A soft cry escaped her lips as more tears streamed down her cheeks. Padmé sunk to the floor and put her knees against her chest. She sat there and cried. Cried for the one thing she loved with all her heart. With her whole being. The one thing she had lost. The one thing she didn't and hadn't wanted to lose. Her heart was tearing into pieces. Her life was..no, it wasn't meaningless, she still had the children. That gave her hope. But it was only a tiny spark of hope, buried deep in her heart. She sat there, her heard buried in her legs, and sobbed. Sobbed her heart out, for her Anakin.

"ANAKIN! COME BACK TO ME!"

Padmé looked at the wall in shock. She hadn't noticed that that had burst out of her. Her whole body shook, and she didn't think that she could have stood up, even if she had wanted to. She sat there and stared at nothing. It was like she was losing her mind. First, she lost her Ani, and now, she was going to lose her children.

_Deep within I'm shaken by this violence_

_Of existing for only you_

_I know I can't be with you_

_I do what I have to do_

_I know I can't be with you_

_I do what I have to do..._

Padmé didn't flinch when a hand softly touched her shoulder. She didn't look up when a soft, compassionate, kind voice reached her ears.

"Padmé, it's time to go."

Padmé started to tremble. No, he couldn't do this. He couldn't take her children from her. ANAKIN'S children. How dare do this to her. Padmé glared at Obi-Wan and stood up.

"No, I – you can't do this, Obi-Wan. I can't lose them..." she tried to hang onto Obi-Wan's arm as he walked into the nursery. She tugged on his sleeve.

"Obi-Wan. Please."

Such desperation was in her voice, and her eyes, that he almost gave in. But no, he couldn't. He knew he was hurting Padmé deeply. But the twins had to be separated. For their own good.

Tears welled in Obi-Wan's eyes, he allowed one to slip down his cheek.

"I'm sorry, Padmé. I'm so sorry. But remember, you'll be with Leia."

"I know, but I can't lose my Luke, they have to stay together!"

As she said that Obi-Wan had picked up Luke and was walking towards the door. Right away, the twins had noticed something was wrong. That they couldn't, shouldn't be separated, but they were. They both started crying. Loudly. Padmé stared into Obi-Wan's eyes. Obi-Wan stared into Padmé's.

"Padmé..."

Padmé gritted her teeth together and picked up Leia. The adults stood in front of each other.

"Just, before you go...can I give my Luke one last kiss."

Obi-Wan nodded and they switched babies. He watched as Padmé securely and motherly cuddled him in her arms. She looked at him with such joy, love, and sadness. She kissed his cheek once.

"Never forget me, Luke. Never ever."

They switched babies again. They walked to the transport. Obi-Wan kissed Padmé on the cheek. He smiled sadly and walked into the ship. Padmé watched him go, all the while thinking of her Ani and their Luke. The babies still cried. Obi-Wan shushed Luke while outside Padmé shushed Leia.

The ship took off. The ship with her Luke inside of it. She was never to see him again. Never talk to him again. Never see him do anything. Never hear his first word, or see him take his first step, or to kiss and cuddle him when he got a bobo. Padmé's tears mixed with Leia's as she walked back into the house. She stood by the window, watching, looking at the sky, as she waited for her ship, to take her to a place where she would live the rest of her life, with Leia, but not as her mother. As a maid that Leia would learn to love as a friend, but would never know the truth. Padmé stood there and waited. A breeze lifted through the house and she turned quickly. She could feel him. He was here.

"Oh, Ani, I miss you so...why did you have to go." Her heart cried blood tears as her eyes let out the real tears.

Leia had long ago stopped crying and was now sleeping peacefully, unaware of what was to come.

_"Padmé..."_

She sqeezed her eyes shut and she knew. She knew that he was here, but not here. He was gone, forever. She wished she could be with him.She stared out the window as the ship came closer, the sunsrise making it shine. Her destiny was arriving. So was Leia's. Oh, her Luke, he was gone. He would never know his mother. But she would know him.

She walked out into the now dry nature. It had long ago stopped raining. She looked at the ship and then at Leia. She looked at the sky, and finally said goodbye. She said goodbye, to her past.

She said goodbye, to her Ani. No matter how much it hurt her. No matter. She let him go, or so she thought.

_I have the sense to recognize but_

_I don't know how to let you go_

_I don't know how to let you go_

_I don't know how to let you go..._


End file.
